One of the most difficult situations is trying to decide what to say when you want to end a relationship with someone. Most people who experience a breakup are in pain: saying the right thing can help make it easier. In some ways, it is easier to end a relationship with someone if the person has done something horrible to you. If your partner cheats on you, you have a perfect excuse and don’t need to justify your decision to end things. However, life isn’t always so black and white. Sometimes, the signs to end a relationship are more subtle and difficult to understand. Sometimes you don’t even know why you’re breaking up, you just know you have to.
There are some communication strategies that will help you know what to say when you want to end a relationship – we’ll detail them below, so stay tuned! Remember, if you finally decide to end that relationship, take the opportunity to download the CLiKD Dating App in case you suddenly feel like meeting new people, or just having a summer fling.
Everyone knows what “we need to talk” means. It’s a sign that an unpleasant conversation is going to follow. Don’t take the agony out by going through all the reasons and then saying “…that’s why I think we should break up.” Throughout the entire explanation, you are giving the person false hope that you are still trying to make things work. Start by being clear: “I think we need to break up…” and then get into the reasons why, if necessary. For all you know, they’ve come to the same conclusion, and a simple, “Yes, I think you’re right,” ends the conversation.
Don’t take the agony out by going through all the reasons and then saying “…that’s why I think we should break up.”
You probably don’t want your partner to lie to you, so be realistic and honest about why you’re ending the relationship. If it’s because of a lack of communication, tell the person where you think it broke down. If you simply fell out of love, tell him or her honestly where you think your values differed and why you are not compatible. Most of all, if you really don’t know why, but just need to break up, explain that too. Remember that being honest is not an excuse for being cruel.
While this may be true, it often feels like a reversal. Still, it’s always best to use “I” statements because statements that use “you” can easily come across as accusatory. “You never listen to me anymore!” blames the other person, while “I can’t seem to communicate with you anymore” assumes some personal responsibility. This is not the same as blaming; in fact, trying to find some way to blame yourself or the other person is often futile and destructive. Instead, you may want to explore how your own actions, and the actions of your partner, contributed to the current state of affairs that require a separation. Remember that sometimes life gets in the way of even the most well-intentioned relationship, and just because a relationship is ending does not mean it was a failure. People move on to new stages of growth throughout their lives, and there is no guarantee that they will always grow together.
Remember that sometimes life gets in the way of even the most well-intentioned relationship
The most important thing is not necessarily what you say but how you say it. When you break up with someone, you’re both likely to feel grief and pain, so try as much as possible to say things as kindly as possible. If you can avoid lashing out at your partner in a defensive reaction, you will be much more likely to come to a mutual understanding of why the breakup must happen. That will help you both move on and let your relationship become a great memory instead of a scar.