Texting has become THE communication channel in online dating when you’ve first matched with a guy and especially in the early stages of dating. But why, and when, does he start texting less?
It usually starts off so well. He sends a message, you reply, you send a message, he replies. Before you know it, you guys have been texting non-stop. All day, every day.
There’s good banter, good pace. It’s new, it’s fun, it’s exciting. You’ve even used some tips from MEL #12 – How to ignite your messaging game.
Then one day, you notice a shift. He’s less responsive, taking longer to reply or, when he does, he replies with the dreaded one-word texts.
“I just told him how my day was and it took him two hours to text back, “cool.” WTF?!”
Naturally, you start to wonder WHAT IS HE DOING AND WHY IS HE NOT TEXTING ME LIKE BEFORE?! You start asking ‘what does it mean when a guy slows down texting you?’ Don’t freak out.
No one can blame you for thinking that if they’re texting you less often, it must mean they have lost interest, right? But the good news is… it’s not necessarily true. (But if it’s really taking it’s toll maybe its time for you to download CLiKD and find the one!) There are many answers to the question, ‘why isn’t he texting me?’
Yes, life happens. I know it feels like you’ve been curved but he may just have a busy period at work, new clients to entertain or a crazy deadline to meet. Or he might have his old college roommate visiting from out of town. Maybe his PARENTS are in town. There will be times when life happens and he simply can’t reply as quickly or be as witty as he once was. Sure, he might be online but not replying, but guys tend to be very focused on one thing at a time (whereas girls are better at multi-tasking) and if he’s got a lot to juggle at the moment, don’t take it personally.
What should you do: Give the guy a break if his life got busier.
Believe it or not, sometimes guys just need a break from being wired all the time, especially if he’s an introvert OR extremely into sports. Introverts need “me time” to refresh, so they can come back with full energy. As for the guys who love playing sports? What guy do you see constantly on their phone when they are going for a run, playing football, or skateboarding at the skate park? None, exactly.
What should you do: You should have me time too! Remember that trapeze yoga class you’ve been dying to try out but, for whatever reason, never made it to? Now is the perfect time to do it! Or that book that’s been sitting on your table/kindle. Make some tea and read! Enjoy some quality “me time.”
Just be confident and let him have his “guy time”
without waiting for his text in order to see
When guys are out with their buddies, the worst thing for a guy to be called amongst his group of friends is ‘whipped.’ Just be confident and let him have his “guy time” without waiting for his text in order to seek validation when he’s not out with you.
What should you do: This means you should have a life too and if you’re out with your friends, enjoy being in the present and not being glued to your phone!
After the initial chase is over and you guys have gotten to know each other better, sometimes he’ll slack a bit as he gets more comfortable with you. This is because you’ve already shown you’re interested and now, he feels he can back down.
What should you do: Because it’s nearly impossible to keep that same pace as when you guys first met, you need to remember that, again, texts should not be a form of validation. If he still makes an effort to spend face-to-face time with you, isn’t that better then chatting away online? Him being online but not replying, is not the end of the world. Focus on the time he does make to spend with you in person.
Sometimes, guys aren’t sure what they want if you’re
constantly in their face
Let’s face it, there’s never a guarantee when it comes to love. Things can fizzle out. You might find yourself thinking, ‘he is online but not talking to me’. Sometimes, guys aren’t sure what they want if you’re constantly in their face. If he’s texting less because he may be losing interest, texting him more is not going to help.
What should you do: This means that you should not chase him and send him a flurry of texts or “check-in texts.” If and when he does start to miss you, he will contact you. Trust me. Just make sure it’s not the 2am booty call type of texts. (Unless that’s all you want and you are ok with that!)
In summary, receiving a text from your crush is always nice, but don’t freak out thinking “he stopped texting me!?”. Remember, real life and real love happen in person with real conversations. Not from texting. Focus on doing you and having fun on your next date in real life!
Meet/Eat/Love (MEL) #15