Look, in any given romantic endeavour one person is usually more invested. It’s just the way it is. Imagine a set of scales, they won’t always tip the same way every time. Depending on the day and circumstance, the level on investment might shift but it’s rarely equal. However, there are times (unfortunately) when the scale is completely tipped to one side and it’s not in your favour. If we haven’t all been in a situation where that’s been the case, we’ve at least witnessed situations like that. Sometimes, the person you’re into just doesn’t feel the same, BUT they won’t always tell you that. So, how will you know? Don’t worry, we’re here to help you out. Here are 5 signs they’re just not that into you…
You are always the one making all the effort.
This one goes back to the whole ‘scale imagery’ I mentioned. You won’t always put in equal effort, but it should be pretty close. When you first start dating someone, it’s meant to be exciting! You’re both meeting someone new and getting to know them. You should both be eager to see each other, make conversation and impress them.
If it’s one sided in the beginning, trust us, it won’t get any better. You can’t be the one always asking when they’re free or picking the places to go or asking all the questions, or always messaging first. Bottom line, as learnt from the fantastic movie He’s Just Not That Into You, if someone is interested in you, they’ll make the effort. Always. End of.
It’s always about them.
When you’re seeing someone, it all comes down to communication. You have to be open to learning about each other and you have to be willing to share. It’s all well and good for them to share with you, but they also have to give you the chance to return the favour too. If someone is consistently making sure things are always centred around them, they’re essentially showing that they aren’t interested in anything about you at all.
Question, who wants to go out with someone who isn’t interested in them at all?! What’s the point? If someone wanted to not be listened to, they wouldn’t hang out with anyone at all. If someone is truly into you, they’ll want to know all there is to know about you and that is well worth the wait. There is nothing more gratifying than someone who wants to listen, it can be a rarity these days.
They’re still content to date other people and think you should too.
You know that whole ‘sharing is caring’ shtick they teach you when you were a kid? Yeah, that doesn’t apply to dating (unless you’ve both consented to it that is.) Sure, after a few dates it’s normal to still be playing the field and to not keep your eggs in one basket. However, there comes a point when you get to the ‘make or break’ stage. Are you going to take things to the next level or call it a day? If you bring up this topic with the person you’re seeing and they say; “why can’t things continue as they are?” or they encourage/suggest that you date other people? It may be time to cut the cord on that one.
If someone is truly into you, they wouldn’t want you to be seeing other people. If things between the two of you were following the ideal pattern of ‘the more time you spend together, the more they like you’, they’d want to be spending as much time as possible with you. They wouldn’t want someone else to be getting to know you the same way they are. If they aren’t really that bothered with you dating other people, they aren’t that bothered about you at all.
They don’t really look at you.
Eye contact can be quite intimate when you think about, right? I mean, you can tell a lot just by looking into someone’s eyes for long enough. Eyes are the windows to the souls, after all. Some dating experts have said that looking into someone’s eyes for 30 seconds can tell you whether you like them or not. Not sure if that’s true (dude, 30 seconds is a LONG time to be staring into anyone’s eyes, let alone a stranger) but you can tell a lot by how someone looks, or doesn’t, look at you.
If you catch the person you’re seeing looking at you, they generally maintain eye contact with you and you can see them really taking in your features, that’s a good sign. If their gaze usually skates past you or it never really feels like they see or focus on you? Not a good sign. People like to appreciate what they perceive as beautiful, it’s all part of what makes up attraction. Someone not really looking at you doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not attracted on some level, but it does mean that they’re not all that interested in seeing if that beauty only runs skin deep. Mutual attraction is all about wanting more even if, as shallow as it sounds, that is visually.
They treat you just like everyone else.
Ever been unsure if someone is interested and when you’ve discussed it with a friend they’ve said; “well, how do they treat you?” If your answer is “like everyone else”, you’ve probably already answered the question of if they’re interested. Now, there is every possibility that this person is just hiding their true feelings. However, I’m a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words and how someone treats you is the biggest indicator of how they feel about you.
Being treated like everyone else is not necessarily a bad thing. It won’t mean that that the object of your affection will be mean to you or anything like that, it just means that your feelings probably aren’t reciprocated. There are number of reasons that could be. Maybe they don’t really know you that well or maybe they’re just not interested. Out of all the signs on the list, this is the one that isn’t really anyone’s fault. This one can have the bright side of gaining a friend, if not a new partner. This sign can still have the person you like showing you respect and that is definitely something to smile about.
So, there you have it. 5 signs that they’re just not that into you. We know that it can be hard to hear that someone you like may not be interested. Just remember that just because this one person doesn’t feel the same as you, it doesn’t mean that you won’t meet someone who does 🙂