First dates, phew amirite? The build up to them can be stressful enough. The weight of all that potential, it’s exhilarating. Sometimes though, all that build up can lead to a date that leaves you feeling… absolutely nothing on said date. You might not be excited by them or intrigued to get to know them more. There are any number of reasons you might not be feeling it. Sometimes, it’s mutual… but what about the times that it’s not and your date is up for another? Here are 5 tips to let them know you’re not interested in a second date…
Try Not To Ghost
It can be hard to reject someone, especially if it’s not a case of them doing something wrong. Sometimes, there’s just no chemistry and you can already tell that none will develop. However, it’s become all too easy to just ghost someone if you’re not interested in them. If they haven’t done anything that made you fear for your safety, there’s aren’t many reasons to ghost.
Silence can be more deafening, so just be upfront with them. It doesn’t have to be on that first date. After you’ve gone your separate ways, you could drop them a message to say you appreciate their time but, unfortunately, you don’t want move forward with them. Aside from it just being the respectful, grown up thing to do, it’ll also (hopefully) result in good dating karma. Could come in handy for when you next meet someone you do want to progress to a second date and beyond with 😉
Honesty ain’t the best policy for nothing. A lot of problems stem from a lack of communication. If you don’t want to get someone’s hopes up, best to just bite the bullet and tell them the truth. Guaranteed that most people will appreciate that more than ghosting.
Honesty will also help them moving forward. It’ll tell them a bit about compatibility and reading signals. Plus, if they know things won’t go on to a second date, they can fully immerse themselves in meeting someone else. They won’t be half arsed about it, whilst thinking they still have a chance with you.
Don’t Be All Negative, Mention Things You Did Like
As much as honesty is key, this is still a human being we’re talking about. You don’t have to be harsh or purposefully malicious (unless you think their behaviour was outrageously inappropriate.) While you’re not interested and you should definitely be honest about why, do try and have at least one positive point about them to share.
If you don’t have one, at least thank them for taking the time to meet with you. Time is the one thing we can’t get back, so being appreciative of theirs is better than nothing. However, don’t be patronising about it. There’s no need to talk down to them. Remember, at some point, you were actually interested in them too.
Don’t Lead Them On
Let them know as soon as possible that you’re not interested in a second date. Whether that’s after you get back from your date or the next day. Don’t carry on with the small talk or breadcrumb them, just in case any of your other dates don’t work out.
No one wants to be your second choice. Leading them on is not a way of being nice or sparing them pain. It just gives the other person more time to get invested. Then, they’ll become worried as more time passes and no second date is on the horizon. Their interest is not your ego boost.
If You Don’t Actually Want To Be Friends With Them, Don’t Say It
This one is a classic. Also, pretty patronising. Majority of the time when someone goes on a date with you, the last thing they want is to be your friend. That’s not why people start dating. If they’ve shown interest and it’s not being reciprocated, the last thing they’d want is to hang out with you more as you discuss people you’re actually interested in.
Let’s be honest. How many people genuinely mean it when they say ‘happy for us to be friends though’ after a failed first date? If you don’t really mean it, don’t offer up friendship as a consolation prize. Firstly, if they accept and you didn’t really mean it, you’ve just dug yourself an unnecessary hole. Secondly, it’s likely to make them feel shittier. You’re essentially saying you enjoyed their company, but don’t fancy them. Low blow at this time. Avoid, avoid, avoid!
So, there you have it! 5 tips to let them know you’re not interested in a second date. It can be hard to find a real connection you can build on. If you want to reduce the risk of needing these 5 tips, check out CLiKD! Their fun personality quiz that users take (and both have to pass) before matching will help you better determine if there’s potential for something truly lasting there. Plus, the 3 questions act as a great ice breaker!
Happy dating peeps! May your future be filled with as many second dates as you want.