Firstly, yes I know it’s 2019! Gone are the days of having to wait for a guy to make the first move (remember that when reading this post.) Nothing is stopping you from asking out a guy you like (do it, you know you want to. Either way, you’ll know where you stand, right?) However, if you are in a place where you feel like you and your potential guy have been flirting up a storm and you definitely have chemistry, it’s natural to wonder why he hasn’t made a move. If that’s the case, here are 6 reasons why he won’t ask you out…
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He’s Shy
Asking someone out on a date is nerve-wracking and yet, the growth of the population depends on it (weird, right?) You don’t always know how someone will respond and if your guy isn’t one for normally laying all his cards on the table or putting himself out there, this scenario will be no different. Fear of rejection can hold us all back. Maybe it’s up to you to break down that wall 😉
What to Do: Try and look for non-verbal signs of interest from them. You can try dropping some hints, but ultimately just be open and brave for the both of you. There are many guys who find girls making the first move attractive. Confidence is sexy after all.
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He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship
If the two of you are already buds, this can cause some hesitation on his part. Great friends are hard to come by and we all know that it can be difficult to maintain friendships with exes (sorry to skip to the end of your imaginary relationship…) There’s no guarantee that things with you and your guy will go the distance, but your friendship means the world to them. It’s possible he’s still weighing up the risks and rewards and that’s why he won’t ask you out.
What to Do: If you think it’s worth the risk, talk to him about it. It’s a decision that you’ll both have to come to together. Some of the best relationships start from friendships (there’s a reason why it’s boyfriendor girlfriend) but clear communication is key!
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He’s Already Taken or You Are
It’s possible that the reason why he won’t ask you out is because he’s already taken. If that’s the case, run far away my friend! You don’t want to be in a situation where he’s making promises he can’t keep. Plus, if he’s willing to make a move on you when he’s already taken, that’s a huge red flag. That behaviour isn’t likely to end with you. On the other hand, if you’re the one who’s taken, him not asking you out is him respecting your relationship status. If you’re wondering why he hasn’t made a move after that, you need to start thinking about why you want him to…
What to Do: If he’s taken, nothing. If his relationship status ever changes, that’s a different conversation. If you’re the one who’s taken, have a long, hard think about whether you’re truly happy in your relationship if you want another guy to make a move on you… whoa, it’s getting deep now!
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He’s a Commitment-Phobe/ Knows You’re Not Looking For The Same
It’s entirely possible that he won’t ask you out because he doesn’t want to commit or get to a stage with you where you expect commitment. If he already knows that you’re looking for something serious and he’s not, he might be interested but not wanting to get your hopes up. If that’s the case, you can’t really expect much to progress from that.
What to Do: If you know you’re looking for different things, you have to respect that. You wouldn’t want him to try and pressure you into a situation you weren’t comfortable with, so don’t do that to him either. Maybe all he can offer right now is a flirtation. If that’s not what you want, tell him and don’t wait around for him to change his mind.
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He Doesn’t Know If You’re Interested
This is also a common possibility. While there are more than a fair number of guys who will happily make a move without any signs, there are still some who like to be sure. Maybe your plan of playing it cool/hard to get is too good. Could be that you don’t treat him any differently to anyone else. It might be obvious to you, but that doesn’t mean it is to him. Sad truth, none of us (least of all men) are mind readers. Anyone’s behaviour can be interpreted in a number of ways. Maybe you need to be clearer?
What to Do: If you have an inkling that he’s interested, be clear that you are too. Be more obvious about the fact that he’s on a different level to everyone else you guys interact with. Let him know that you have a special connection and play into it more!
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He’s Just Not That Into You
Lastly (and probably the toughest to consider) maybe the reason why he won’t ask you out is because he’s not interested in you that way. This is by no means an insult or a reflection of you as a person, necessarily. We are all attracted to different people at different times in our lives. Sometimes that attraction follows a pattern, other times it seems random. Who’s to say why we’re attracted to anyone at any given time? It’s pretty uncontrollable. If you haven’t picked up on any signs, chances are there aren’t any to find I’m afraid.
What to Do: If you think he’s not interested, you have two options. Either ask him outright and be prepared for any possible answer. Or take his behaviour at face value and just enjoy the friendship that you have with him. Someone wanting to be your friend is always a compliment, remember that!
So, there ya go! 6 reasons why he won’t ask you out. The main takeaway from this? Communication. If you’re unsure, ask! Don’t be afraid, it could be the beginning of a beautiful love story, or at the very least, an adventure. So, go forth!
By Jordan Enaboifo
