We all know how great it is to get a text from someone you’re interested in/dating/seeing. Sometimes, the text’s actual contents doesn’t really matter (unless it’s them saying they’re not interested anymore, then it definitely matters…) it’s just the fact that it’s from them. However, if you’re a straight guy, it’s likely that you constantly find yourselves having to message first. A common theme I’ve noticed from talking to my male mates when I’m asking about their current maybe flame and if they’ve seen or heard from them recently is “well, she could message me first for once!” I completely hear you. I’m very much of the belief that if you’re interested, it shouldn’t really matter who texts first. However, there are a multitude of reasons why she hasn’t. So, here are 6 reasons why she won’t text you first…
She’s Used to You Texting First
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it as they say. If you’re always the one who initiates the contact between the two of you, then it becomes the norm. Sure, if you don’t text for some reason, she might question it… to her friends though, not to you. If she questioned you about it, that would require her texting first and we know that’s not the pattern for you guys.
Eventually, she knows that you’ll text her first, because that’s what history has shown. Maybe she likes it that way, maybe sometimes she wants to text first. Either way, it’s the way things are and she’s just going with it, which is a nice lead in to our next reason…
She Feels She Can’t
It’s a sad, but true, fact that there are still certain dating ‘rules’ that people feel they have to adhere to. Ones like you have to dress up, skip serious topics or you have to play hard to get are outdated, to say the least. Then, the one that still crops up the most, the guy has to make the first move or be the one to message after the date.
There are still so many chats with women that end with “but should I text him though? I don’t want to look desperate or needy!” As much as there are many articles encouraging women to not be afraid to make the first move, there are just as many real-life experiences that say otherwise. Experiences where women have made the first move and faced rejection or their potential guy has taken it as them trying to hard or being clingy. We’re still told often that women play the role of the pursued and that men need to chase, so they feel like a ‘man’.
She Testing How Interested You Are
People can be hard to read. Male, female, doesn’t matter. Dating is very much vulnerable business, so if you feel you’ve made your interest clear and the guy you like hasn’t, you might go for a ‘wait and see’ strategy. If they don’t text you first, probably not interested. If they do, definitely interested. Pretty clear cut.
The time that the test takes effect the most? After dates. Anything from a message to make sure that she got home ok, to making more future plans will help her indicate levels of interest. If she texts you first, she’ll never be able to gauge that, so the wait is on.
She’s Not Much of Texter
Hard to believe, but yes. Some people really aren’t into texting or being on their phone all the time. Shocking to the phone addicts amongst us (no judgement, I’ll be joining you at the support group.) Yes, maybe the reason why she won’t text you first is because… she won’t text anyone first. It’s possible she just prefers face to face or even phone calls (you know that thing that was fine, till people got caller ID and texting came along?)
If that’s the case, some compromise will have to be reached. Texting has its pros and cons. However, if it’s something that’s important to you for the in-between time when you aren’t physically together, probably something worth discussing. At least it doesn’t mean she’s not interested. Silver lining!
She’s Already Got Multiple People Texting Her
It’s the nature of dating today. Everyone is likely to be talking to multiple people at any given time. With so many options and not really being able to tell who’s more serious/where anything will go, people are keeping their options open. If she’s already got multiple people showing her interest and texting her first, why would she text first when others have shown they’re willing to put in that effort?
To stand out from the crowd, maybe you’d try not messaging. Instead you could go for just being yourself and winning her over that way? Just a suggestion….
She Doesn’t Think It’s Worth the Effort
Last and, probably, hardest to hear. She doesn’t think there’s any point or potential and that’s the real reason why she won’t text you first. If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and she never texts you first, it’ll be hard to deny that maybe she’s not as invested. It comes to a point where it stops being about who texted first and wanting both parties to put equal amounts of effort in.
If it’s reached that point, either discuss with her or pick up on the clues she’s dropping. It’s easy to think that men should always make the effort. From initial contact, to always arranging the dates, to deciding if things are exclusive. If you want more of an equal playing field, someone has to say something. You might get an answer you don’t want, but at least you’ll know where you stand.
So, there you have it. 6 reasons why she won’t text you first. I know it can be annoying to feel like you’re the only one invested or putting effort into a situation that involves another person too. A combination of societal norms and bad experiences stop a lot of people from making moves to see if a connection can go somewhere. So, ladies don’t be afraid to take control and message first. Gentlemen, a woman messaging first is not a sign of desperation, it’s a sign of interest. It’s a compliment and a power move. Gotta love a good power move 😉
By Jordan Enaboifo