There are loves that simply cannot be because the two people involved are both looking for different things or because their paths are not meant to cross at the same time. If you are suffering from an unrequited love, you will know that the sadness and disappointment are enormous, but don’t despair because these painful feelings also bring with them valuable lessons that will lead you to another, happier relationship.
With the passage of time, the wound of unrequited love will stop hurting so much, but if you want it to close for good you need to flow with your emotions, understand what didn’t work and what you can do so that the situation doesn’t happen again.
Start by giving yourself permission to feel
Let out anger, grief, frustration and even joy, because there is always some relief in breaking up a relationship that is not working. Find a healthy way to release those emotions when they surface. Punch a cushion, cry, complain, talk to a good friend, go for a run, laugh….
Allow yourself to be bad for as long as you need to be bad
Don’t force yourself to go out or fake enthusiasm. It’s OK to be sad. But also learn to realise when to stop and get over that unrequited love. It will probably be when you feel like a victim of life or when your friends start to run away when they see that you are going to tell them again how unhappy you are.
Don’t force yourself to go out or fake enthusiasm
Treat yourself with affection
Pamper yourself as much as you can. Be sweet to yourself and give yourself gifts, not just material gifts. Sometimes the best and hardest gift to give is to allow yourself to cry or do nothing for a day because you need to take time to reflect. Remember to treat yourself as if you were someone you love very much and want to help them feel better.
Acknowledge and value the moments of wellbeing
At first there will be few or none at all. But you will find that little by little you will feel better, and you will discover how wonderful it is to feel at peace even if you are alone. In this case, the saying “Better alone than in bad company” is pure wisdom. Going to the cinema alone and watching a great film is better than enduring the umpteenth argument with a partner who refuses to divorce or separate.
You may eventually become friends or at least acquaintances who treat each other civilly. But immediately after a break-up it is best to walk away. Don’t even think of following your unrequited love on social media. Think that if you keep an eye on his or her life, you will remain emotionally hooked to that person and prolong the suffering. If you don’t succeed and you spy on their profiles compulsively, tell someone you trust a lot to help you get unhooked.
When a reasonable amount of time has passed, and you start to feel better, you need to reflect on what happened and take your share of responsibility. If you don’t, you will always feel like a victim of life, the other sex or fate. You will repeat the same story or, worse, you will stay in your comfort zone feeling bitter and resentful. Do you think you can find a wonderful love from that place?
You need to reflect on what happened and take your share of responsibility
An unrequited love is not the end of the world, but rather an experience that leads you to something much better and lets you know who you are and what you need. Treat yourself with all the love you can, and you will see that next time you will find someone who is available to receive all the good you have to give.