So, we’re slipping into Autumn (bring on the boots, cute jackets and ‘basic’ pumpkin spiced lattes that are a worldwide guilty pleasure) which means a lot of things. It means the return of the Great British Bake Off and another season of X Factor (seriously?! That’s still on?) but it also means that the impulse to be single is likely slowly fading. Autumn is the start of cuffing season (the time of wanting a cuddle buddy to keep you warm) but finding that buddy can be hard work, no matter the season. In fact, I (and many others) have often equated dating to a similarly difficult pastime… job hunting. So, today we are counting down the 8 times that dating feels exactly like job hunting…

1. Swiping = Sending out CVs

We’ve all probably been there (or you’ve at least played on your friend’s phone and seen what they go through.) It is the reason for a lot of sore thumbs today… of course, we mean swipe culture. With so many options to get through, you’ll find yourself swiping left on most. However, on a good day, you’ll find your thumb going to the right for what feels like hours. That feeling of sending out a ton of likes is akin to sending out a bunch of CVs, hoping to hear back from at least one. You only need one after all.

The more you swipe, the better your odds are said to be. The same with job hunting, they say that you have to apply for at least 100 jobs before you really start to get somewhere. It can feel exhausting (mentally and sometimes physically) but you have to continue with the hope that these processes will bear fruit. Do know that it’s acceptable to take small breaks from both, to give yourself time to recharge.

2. First Date = Initial Interview

Now, you’ve persevered with swiping and you’ve got the first date lined up to prove it * high five *. You’ve continued sending out CVs and been invited to an initial interview. Both feats produce a feeling of elation and a whole lot of nerves. A lot of the same thoughts will run through your mind; “What do I wear?!”, “How early should I leave my house?”, “What am I going to tell them about myself?” We can’t forget the big one; “What if they don’t like me…?”

Both of them are your opportunity to make a first, lasting impression where you’ll be judged. You’re expected to put your best foot forward. It’s all about chemistry and being prepared. However, I think we can all agree that you don’t have to do as much detailed research for a date, as you do for a job interview. Yes, you should know the history of the company. No, you shouldn’t know every single thing that happened in your date’s life before you meet. Boundaries, people! Look at the context of the event and act accordingly!

3. Waiting for them to text = Waiting to hear if you got to the next stage

Is there anything worse than waiting for someone to respond to you? It may only be a few mins – an hour, but it feels like years! You age in that time, your clock barely edges forward in that time. Then you become that Kermit the frog vs evil Kermit meme. You tell yourself it’s fine, the inner you tells you to panic. Right. Now. It’s nerve wracking. Did they like you? Do they feel that you’re what they’re looking for? They said they’d get back to you by now, damnit!

With dating, there isn’t always a definite time they’ll get back to you. Sometimes they hit you with the elusive ‘soon’ (ugh) and employers have taken to that method too. Being told that they’ll get back to you/message you by X date means that you’re on edge for the day in question. Of course, you could message them. When job hunting, you should always follow up after an interview, regardless of when they said they’ll be back in touch. If you enjoyed your date, don’t be afraid to message them after to let them know. It doesn’t all have to be a waiting game, ya know? Take some control back.

4. Second Date = Second Interview

The waiting is over. They got back to you to let you know it’s time for round two. Bring on the second date/interview! By now, you know they’re interested, but you still can’t fully relax just yet. Yes, making it to stage two is cause for celebration, but there could still be others in the running. This will be about getting to know each even better. They already have the basic info; current role, where you went to school, where you live, what you’re looking for etc. Side note: how weird is it that a lot of the criteria they cover in an initial interview is the same as a first date?!

You still got some convincing to do, but you’re on firmer ground because you know they’re intrigued and you can work with intrigue 😉 Now, you just want to make sure that your star shines brighter than the others. Now’s the time to quieten down any doubts or hesitations they may have about moving forward with you. So, shine baby, shine 🙂

5. Not interested text = Rejection Email

It is a sad fact of life that sometimes you’ll do your best and it doesn’t work out. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong, but people know what they want. Maybe there was something they couldn’t put their finger on that was missing. Possibly, they just preferred someone else. Nonetheless, rejection hurts in any circumstance. Your date telling you that they don’t see things going any further and an employer telling you that your application stops here can be disheartening. It can send you into a slump, but you shouldn’t let it.

There is a belief held by many that everything happens for a reason and in instances like this, it couldn’t be truer. At times of rejection, it’s difficult to view them with perspective until some time has passed. Just know that not getting a job or a third date is not the end of the world. Neither means that you are the problem and both help you as a person. Going out and meeting new people is good for the soul. You may not gain a partner, but you could gain a friend. Going to interviews is great life practice. You can find a silver lining in every rejection, eventually. Just give it some time.

6. No response to your messages = No response to your job applications

I read a book once that described silence as ‘so freaking loud’ and I think anyone who has been on a dating app or job hunting can relate. It’s one thing to be swiping right and not hearing back. It’s another to actually match and message to only receive silence. Dating apps are a numbers game, that’s why they tell you to keep swiping. However, getting to the match stage, you at least assume they’ll respond. You assume wrong, friend. Similar to sending out applications, just because they’re out there doesn’t mean you’ll hear back.

Silence speaks volumes (as oxymoronic as that sounds) but you don’t always want to listen. No one likes being ignored. Sending a message online or sending an email to a potential employer and not hearing back is the equivalent to talking to someone IRL and them just ignoring you. It sucks, but it happens. The best approach? Don’t take either personally. When you do get a response, just go from there. Don’t keep messaging in the hopes of hearing back.

7. Not hearing back after dates (Ghosting) = Not hear back after interviews

Whether your date went well or not, it’s safe to say that on some level you want the other person to want another. It’s fine if you’re not interested, but you still want them to try (the human ego, what can we say?) The same with job interviews, a crucial part of job hunting. Even if you’ve decided you don’t want the job, you wouldn’t be offended if they still wanted to try and proceed further. On the flipside, if you really want it (another date or job) you definitely want to hear back. When you don’t? Oh, it burns!

After you’ve met someone in person, is there anything more offensive than them just never getting in touch ever again? It’s like before they met you, it was all good. Then they faced you for real and them not getting in touch after is them saying “yeah… no thank you.” Ghosting has become as common in the job search world as it has in dating (but that’s another story…) Either way, ghosting someone you’ve met in person is rude. Just let them know you’re not interested like a real grown up!

8. Becoming official = You got the job!

Dating and job hunting are similar for many reasons. Both involve people having a criteria for what they’re looking for. Both have highs and lows. Mainly, both are elimination processes that end with one person taking the crown. So, when you make it through all the trials and tribulations (including the final hurdle) best believe it’s a big deal. First of all, not everyone makes it that far. You may never know how many people were truly in the mix. Making it to the end, whether that is becoming exclusive/official or getting the job, it’s the ultimate goal you had at the beginning being fulfilled!

Now, all you have to do is be ready for what comes next after you got what you want. No one knows how long you’ll be in that relationship or job for, but we’re here to say congratulations. If it’s what you want, then we ship it 100%. As I said before, everything happens for a reason 😉

So, there you have it! 8 times that dating feels exactly like job hunting. Both can feel like the bane of your existence, but will go in to inform the person that you are. With every failure and every success, you grow. Along the way, you’ll meet people you may love, some you wish you could’ve spent more time with. Some you’ll barely tolerate and a smattering of others who will make you question why the world even needs people anyway. Each interaction, experience and step will be one that you can refer to in later life when you need it. Just remember, what seems useless or draining now may come in handy to future you, like Math!

By Jordan Enaboifo

@jordan_enaboifo