Have you ever heard of ‘Bare Minimum Twitter’? It’s equal parts great and depressing. Great, because people are having open discussion on standards and what’s too low etc. Depressing, because there are a lot of people who have or are accepting way less than they should and hailing it amazing, when it’s just human decency they’re showing. Sad, but true, the lack of effort people are putting into dating now. Gone are the days of courting and hello to the days of people thinking that saying ‘hey!’ and getting your name right is enough to win people over and get laid. Let’s get real, giving points for doing the bare minimum is not helping anyone. So, with that in mind, here are 5 bare minimum dating standards to be expected, not praised…
I cannot stress this enough, going on a date or chatting with someone who actually asks you questions is the definition of the bare minimum. The amount of times that I or one of my friends has added ‘well, they actually asked me questions, so that’s something right?’ is so upsetting. Conversation only really flows if you’re both taking an interest. The least you should expect from someone you’re seeing is that they’re actually interested in your life, views and what you have to say.
Let’s be honest, situationships shouldn’t really exist
and the main reason they do is down to lack of
communication and mixed messages.
You really shouldn’t have to be stressing about where you stand with someone you’re seeing or what they really want. Let’s be honest, situationships shouldn’t really exist and the main reason they do is down to lack of communication and mixed messages. If you want something casual, let the other person know. You know you want a relationship? Tell them. If things aren’t working out and you’re not interested anymore? Tell them that too. The fact that ghosting is just accepted as a way of ending things with someone you’re seeing is insane. It’s not just about you, the other person you’re seeing is in this too, keep them in the loop damnit!
If you’re the only one who is initiating plans, that’s a problem. I definitely think that it’s on both of you to suggest stuff. If you want to see them, you don’t need to wait for them to suggest meeting up etc. If you’ve found that you’re adding ‘they actually asked to see me and even suggested a place and a time’, then that’s a bare minimum dating standard. Same as if you find yourself giving them points for suggesting you meet somewhere that is convenient for you both. That’s just common decency! If you want to see where people stand on things like this before you go on a date, check out CLiKD!
Even things you’re told as a child, like someone being
mean to you because they like you, reinforces the idea
that being treated badly is romantic. Spoiler alert, it isn’t!
Sadly, thanks in no small part to TV, movies, books etc. the idea of a partner being jealous and controlling has been hugely romanticised (looking at you 50 shades, Christian Grey is an immature, toxic man child with absolutely no boundaries. Him being rich and attractive doesn’t excuse his behaviour.) Even things you’re told as a child, like someone being mean to you because they like you, reinforces the idea that being treated badly is romantic. Spoiler alert, it isn’t! Your partner being possessive and controlling doesn’t mean they care for you, it could be a sign of gaslighting. Even worse, it could be the early signs of an abusive relationship. So, please be aware of this.
Things like someone benching you or breadcrumbing you, essentially making you feel like plan B is disrespectful. Sure, in the early days of dating, they’re likely to be ‘talking’ to other people etc., but once things get to a certain point, you need to be on the same page. Don’t let someone disregard your time, what you want out of life or your opinions. Even if you’re in something casual, one of the bare minimum dating standards has got to be respect. That includes them listening to how you feel, being able to compromise (within reason) as well as trying to understand your point of view.
So, there you have it! 5 bare minimum dating standards to be expected, not praised. Let’s all agree to stop giving people props for doing what’s expected. An example? If you go on a date and go back to their place, but decide you don’t want to have sex and they are ok with that decision. That’s not something to be praised. That should be the only expected response. Remember that!