5 SIGNS THAT SOMEONE IS BENCHING YOU
Ah, modern day dating. Isn’t it… interesting? With dating apps, people feel they have more options than ever and are meeting people they wouldn’t have otherwise. Along with that, were all constantly learning. It seems like every day there are new dating terms to remember and try to figure out if we’ve experienced. There are some that are more common than other (of course) but today, we’re going to focus on one. Benching. For those who are lucky enough not to know what it is (congratulations for living such a charmed life, firstly) here’s the tea. Benching is when you start seeing someone and they’re nice enough, but you don’t really see it going anywhere. However, instead of ending it, you keep them around as an option while you see what else is out there. Think of it like being benched during a game. You’re kept on the sidelines as an alternate. Maybe you’re unsure of if this has or is happening to you? So, here are 5 signs that someone is benching you…
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You always have to message first
Once in a while, they’ll surprising you be initiating the chat or suggesting you meet up. However, if someone is benching you, you’ll find you’re always the one doing the heavy lifting. You’ll always be the one messaging them and even then, you’ll find that you’re carrying the conversation because you’ll only get a few responses back before they’re gone again.
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It’s as if they just assume that you’re waiting around
for them to call you up to bat.
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Plans are never concrete or always last minute
Yup, they’re never the one to come up with a plan to meet and when they do, it’s usually last minute at a time that’s convenient for them, with no regard to you. It’s as if they just assume that you’re waiting around for them to call you up to bat. In addition to that, they’re likely to be extremely flaky with plans and to cancel often with little to no notice. Essentially, they just have no respect for your time. If you want a way to find out how someone feels about important things such as sticking to plans, try CLiKD and their dealbreakers.
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They’re constantly online… but not talking to you
Honestly, I personally don’t know why some apps insist on having it show when you’re online, but it is what it is, I suppose. If you find that you can always see them online, but they’ve either left you on read or just left your message unopened, then it’s likely they’re benching you. Same goes for if you’ve messaged them and they aren’t responding, but they’re posting and liking a ton of stuff on social media.
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If they’ve lowkey turned into a magician who
is perfecting their disappearing act by ‘practicing’
on you, it’s likely they’re benching you.
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They’re always running hot and cold
They’re all over the place. One minute they like and are all over you, the next it’s like you’re invisible or they don’t want to know you. If it seems like they’re keeping you at an arm’s length every time you seem to be getting closer, then that’s definitely a red flag. Either they’re scared of getting their feelings hurt or they’re trying to keep you just interested enough, so you can still be an option for them if and/or when they decide what they want.
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They disappear and reappear a lot
If they’ve lowkey turned into a magician who is perfecting their disappearing act by ‘practicing’ on you, it’s likely they’re benching you. If they disappear for days or weeks only to reappear as if nothing has happened, it can be stressful. You may feel like you don’t know where you stand with them and you don’t need to put up with it. If it bothers you, call them out on it! Don’t let them charm their way back in.
So, there you have it! 5 signs that someone is benching you. Our advice? If you think this is happening to you, test it out. See what happens if you don’t message them first or if you’re not the one who initiates all the plans to meet up. You should be able to tell pretty quickly if you’re being benched or not. Then you can decide whether to call them out or tell them to do one. Either way, you’ll have more clarity about what’s happening. Good luck!
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