Guys, I have something seriously important to discuss with you. We all know that dating is an odd one, the rules seem to change every damn day! Who can even keep up at this point?! One of the biggies, of course, is the rules of communication. So, let’s get down to it… we need to talk about this new concept of texting etiquette, especially “applicable” if you’ve just started dating someone (because that’s when the ‘rules’ start getting super… sketchy.)
“I’m Just Not That Into You”
Look, everyone is different, as is everyone’s situations. Either way, at this stage, you’re still getting to know the person, regardless of if you went to second base or not. Personally, I don’t judge and I see nothing wrong with going to second base at a pretty early stage (woo hoo! To people making their own decisions and ignoring social constraints that don’t suit them!) Ultimately, it’s up to you. Whenever you think it’s appropriate (whether that’s the first date, second or even later) at the end of the day, it all comes down to the chemistry.
Yet, even after you’ve made these types of connections with people, the idiocy of this so-called texting etiquette (in my opinion) is taken to the extreme. They say ‘oh, it’s too late to message now’ and also use that as an excuse to eventually ghost and not take the other person seriously. It’s just more lame excuses that come from a fear of just telling the other person “sorry but I’m just not that in to you”. Why is honesty like that so hard these days?!
The 3 Day Rule: “Hey, How’s It Going?”
Of course, one of the oldest rules from texting etiquette is one I’m sure everyone has heard about; the famous 3-day rule. You go on a date with them, it goes well (at least in your opinion) some ‘naughty’ things may have happened 😉 … THEN it’s total silence… So, you sit there wondering if you should text them first. (Personally, I never do and, ladies this concerns you the most, you shouldn’t be the first one.) Then, if you did the ‘no texting’ move and they still don’t text you, you are allowed to text them 3 days later to “check up on them”…
You know, so you don’t look like a psychopath because God forbid that if you’ve gotten into a pattern of talking regularly with someone and they suddenly disappear after you’ve met up with, you’d actually wonder where they went and ask what’s up. (Phew, rant over!) That ‘sad’ follow up text after 3 days is usually something like “hey, how is it going?” Then you sit there waiting for a reply, which can be as fruitful as waiting for it to rain in the desert.
I’m very sorry, but I would love to meet the imbecile who even came up with this 3-day rule in the first place! This is all their fault! Honestly, I think you should ignore text etiquette and if they don’t text you in general after your first or second date (regardless of if you went to second base or not, but especially if you did) then I say forget it! Go right ahead and delete their number because, I hate to be the one to tell you but, it’s not going to go anywhere. It’s not even a warning sign, it’s a stop sign. Onto the next one please!
F**kboy Alert. Press The Red Alarm!
Look, you may say that’s harsh, but from my personal dating experiences, whenever I sniffed that a new messaging post-date situation was just turning into some kind of waiting game of ‘who texts first’ (it’s usually pretty easy to determine if they set alarm clocks to tell them when to reply) then I would just drop it, in other words – ghost.
Let’s not waste each other’s time here, darling. I mean the most common replies during the post-date messaging period would usually be “sorry I was so busy with work this week”, “my travel buddy is in town”, “my 5-year-old niece put my phone into a cereal bowl”. Or, my all-time favorite, when they text you six months later asking for a “catch up”. Excuse me, catch up on what exactly? You’re not relevant in my life anymore, mate!
Did I miss something!? Guys, I’m telling you! Red alert! Avoid at all costs, because this is a ‘mass mailing to all potential booty calls’ type of guy. Point being, if you are dealing with any of the signs above, move on because it’s definitely a f**kboy sign.
As one of my really good friends used to say; “if you have time to poop, you have time to reply.” So, think about it guys. Next time you find yourself asking “why haven’t they replied or texted me yet?”, just move on. It’s true. There really are plenty of fish in the sea.
If the person is right for you and you got on instantly, there will be none of these games to begin with! The thought of ‘who should text first or last’ wouldn’t even pop into your mind. The conversation would flow naturally, just like it does whenever you spend time together.
“Dating Texting Etiquette” Does NOT Exist!
As I said previously the “etiquette” is just used as an excuse to avoid talking to you, or just leave you hanging as a potentially convenient booty call/back up plan. I have never heard about any healthy relationship that started with these kind of texting games! At the end of the day, if two people want to be together, they will and there won’t be any game playing either. On the other hand, if you like to play those kinds of games yourself and you find it entertaining, then go right ahead and have fun with it… but just don’t expect it to go anywhere in the long run. No one likes to be messed about or made to feel like they’re not a priority.
In all seriousness though, if you are really not into someone, don’t lead that person on! Just try and casually give them a sign that you are not interested in anything else and, if that doesn’t work, be bold and tell them outright. It is hard to tell people the truth sometimes but, in the end, it’s better to be honest.
Little side note: Not that I condone bad behavior… but try and only ghost them if they are complete psychopaths, because remember guys, karma is a bitch!!