I don’t know about you, but I’ve been watching a lot of Made in Chelsea lately (every time I say I’ll stop, something big happens. Hello Sam and Zara’s relationship drama.) Anyway, for anyone who hasn’t watched the show, a lot of the storylines are about dating it seems, namely cheating and dating each other’s exes. Now, people have a lot of different opinions on this. I do understand that you can’t always help who you fall for, but acting on those feelings is another thing entirely. So, we thought we’d try and approach this from a neutral point of view, this a judgement free space after all. With that in mind, here are 4 things to think about before dating a friend’s ex…
This is something you have to be prepared for if you’re thinking of dating a friend’s ex. If you’re really serious about pursuing something, you definitely need to ask yourself if you’re prepared to potentially lose this friend (and possibly some mutual ones.) You also need to be ready to have a conversation with this friend about your feelings and also be open to hearing how they feel. It’ll definitely be an uncomfortable chat, which leads us into the next point…
If you’re going to potentially lose a friendship over it, you
need to be confident in your decision to pursue things.
If you are going to pursue dating a friend’s ex, you can’t be unsure of your feelings or slightly on the fence. If you’re going to potentially lose a friendship over it, you need to be confident in your decision to pursue things. You also need to be sure that the ‘ex’ is worth the risk. You wouldn’t want to go through all this, only to find that you’re their rebound or if there’s no potential of something long lasting. You also need to consider the circumstances in which your friend and their ex parted ways. If you want to see how someone feels about the topics like this, check out CLiKD!
You can’t dismiss why they broke up. There’s definitely a difference between them having an amicable break up where they just realised they weren’t right together, to them separating because the ex was abusive (emotionally and/or physically) or if they were unfaithful etc. It’s also important to think about when they broke up. If it was recent, they’ll likely still be a lot of feelings there. Even if it was ages ago, there could still be lingering emotions. Are you all in the same friendship group? Another thing to consider.
It’s bad enough seeing an ex move on when you still
have feelings for them, even worse when it’s with one
of your mates.
This is one of the most important questions to ask yourself. Whether their relationship was serious or not. The length of time they were together doesn’t necessarily reflect how deep the feelings were. You also have to remember that just because someone says they’re fine and over it, doesn’t mean they are. Be aware of how they react to the question and also how they are with their ex. If you, for any reason, feel like they’re not over them, might be time to take a step back. It’s bad enough seeing an ex move on when you still have feelings for them, even worse when it’s with one of your mates.
So, there you have it! 4 things to think about before dating a friend’s ex. The key things to remember are that you need to talk to your friend and see how they’d feel about it and consider if it’s worth risking your friendship for. Best of luck out there!