Before starting this article, I would like to say that I, myself, am a feminist (as I believe everyone should be.) Our history is flawed in many senses and, possibly one of the most overlooked and neglected parts, is the fight for gender equality. Although I’m not sure I’m the right person to be writing this article (as I’m sure my two older sisters would agree) I will, nevertheless, do my best to give advice on how to date the modern woman.
Keyword = Enable
I think that the single most important word that you NEED to keep in mind when dating the modern woman, is enable. You should be actively seeking to enable your partner, in the same way that women throughout history have done so for men. It’s as the classical saying goes, “Behind every great man, there is an even greater woman.” Well, it’s the 21st century, so let’s try give that classical saying a more modern update. How? By embracing one more appropriate to my overarching theme of the modern woman.
“Any society that fails to harness the energy and creativity of its women is at a huge disadvantage in the modern world.” (Tian Wei) History is riddled with the failures of men. When a society is working with 50% of its population, we can’t be surprised when we fail at half of everything we attempt. Make sure that you’re enabling the success of a modern woman through the way you treat her during your date. A modern woman deserves the respect and equality that we all do, so let’s try and make this a reality by enabling them.
Equality Will Get You Very Far
Please guys, avoid sexist pitfalls and phrases, not only on your date, but at all times. I recall a date that one of my good friends went on (someone I would consider to be a modern woman), where the guy she’d asked out began the date with a line of questioning regarding her time of the month… Guys, come on. It is neither your business, nor an appropriate thing to start a date with. He proceeded to attempt to justify his bombardment of questions by claiming he just wanted to, and I quote, “know if she would be moody or not.” BIG RED FLAG. If you’d like to survive the first (or any) date with a woman let alone, I’d suggest avoiding this.
Another sexist thing I would flag is mansplaining. This has become a known stigma around sexist culture, wherein a man talks down to a woman consciously explaining something, usually in very simplistic terms. Look. Let’s be real with ourselves. There is no difference in intelligence level between the two sexes. If you’re debating/discussing something, she will most likely know quite a lot about the topic. So, just don’t be a dick by talking down to anyone.
In the modern day, modern women have almost exclusively been the target of sexism. Unfortunately, this is due to the old-fashioned thinking that is extremely prevalent within countries who claim to be socially and culturally modern *cough* *cough* The United States. Instead of adding to women’s challenges, why don’t we try our best to give them the respect they deserve. So, when you’re dating a modern woman, embrace the values of respect and equality as best you can.
The Difference Between Polite and Patronising
Etiquette and chivalry are important, but don’t use it to undermine your partner. This links back to my original, most important word when dating a modern woman, the endless pursuit of enablement (this is a two-way stream). Chivalry does not extend to the point where you’re attempting to do everything for your date. She is an independent and capable person. Don’t be patronizing, it’s one of the killers for people in the dating scene. Especially for men.
Modern women aren’t to be looked down upon or spoken down to. They know what they want and what they deserve, so don’t ruin your chances with male chauvinistic, embarrassing behaviour. So, when dating a modern woman, please, please, please don’t excuse rude and degrading behaviour as some sort of traditional chivalry or etiquette. A modern woman won’t put up with that shit, nor do they deserve to. Essentially, what I’m trying to say is that when you’re on a date with , just be the best version of you.
We Should All Be Feminists
Always stay open-minded when dating a modern woman… and, this should go without saying, make sure you’re a feminist (if you’re reading this article, I’m assuming you are)! As with the growth of any social movement, there will always be radical, hardcore members who take it too far (or maybe you think this is justified considering our history?) Nevertheless, the core concept of feminism is extremely important, especially in the polarizing world we live in today.
So, make sure you understand what it is before you go on that first date. Modern women are the product of the increasing social freedom women globally have, as well as the stout efforts from various iconic female figures (and the inspiring stories of historic heroes of feminism). A bit of a tangent, but the important thing to remember and take from this is that you have to stay open-minded when dating a woman in modern times. It will make you more attractive and could easily lead to some exciting dates with some very interesting modern women. Good luck!
Just Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Taken
To finish off I’d say, just be you. It’s important for her to see your raw personality, so just relax and do your best. A modern woman will always be able to see straight through your bullshit. Don’t try it. Just be yourself. Even though this should apply to most situations, it’s especially important when you want to have a successful date. If you act natural by being yourself (or maybe a little bit less awkward version of your normal self), conversation will follow naturally. Then, hopefully everything will work out! At the bare minimum, you’ll find the right person for you this way. Don’t try to force anything. We know misleading facts and forcing anything will never lead to happiness. But hey, maybe dating a modern woman can 😉
To conclude this blog post, I’d like to share a quote from Louise Brealey, “I’d like every man who doesn’t call himself a feminist to explain to the women in his life why he doesn’t believe in equality for women.”
By Modern Musings