Ah kids… At some point in your life, the topic of them will become a bigger discussion. If you’re single, you may start to wonder if you want them or not and if you’re a woman, you may start to feel the pressure of society to make that decision right this second (lame!) However, what happens if you don’t have kids, but the person you’re dating does? This could be unchartered territory for you. Dating can have a lot of curveballs, some bigger than others, but we want to make sure you have all you need to face them. So, here are 6 pieces of advice for dating someone with kids…
If you’re someone who feels they must always be the first priority and expect your date to drop everything to be with you, then you probably shouldn’t be dating someone with kids. Once someone is a parent, their first priority should be their child(ren). I wouldn’t expect anything less. So, be prepared to not see them during half terms or for them to have their phone out in case there’s an emergency. They may also step out of dates to check in with the babysitter etc.
If you’re dating someone with kids, the ex they
had the kids with will always be part of their life
and that’s just the reality.
Honestly, there’s really no way around this. If you’re dating someone with kids, the ex they had the kids with will always be part of their life and that’s just the reality. Before things get serious between the two of you, it’s ok to ask what the nature of their relationship was like when they were together. Were they married? Was the split amicable? This is all important stuff that can inform your decision about pursuing things further.
If you’re looking for a relationship that involves spontaneous meetups, this might not be a possibility when dating someone with kids. They’ll need to be able to plan ahead because they’re not just thinking about themselves. They need to consider childcare options and prior engagements they had that involve their kids as well. Lifestyle compatibility will be important. If you’re looking to find people on the same wavelength as you, try CLiKD and their dealbreakers.
Take the time to get to know them and
assess what they need. They might just need
a friend right now, more than an additional
Don’t expect to meet the kids after 3 or 4 dates. Naturally, a lot of single parents want to make sure that if they’re going to introduce you to their kids, you’ll be around for a while. Plus, they want to make sure that you’re a sane human being too. This isn’t something that you should rush either. If they’re co-parenting, the ex may also want to make sure you’re safe for their kids to be around as well.
It can be extremely stressful for kids to meet the new people their parents are seeing, so it can take a while to foster any sort of relationship with them. A word of advice? Don’t immediately go in and act like you’re their new parent. Take the time to get to know them and assess what they need. They might just need a friend right now, more than an additional parental figure.
Are there boundaries you both want to set? Do either
of you have any concerns that should be addressed now?
Last, but by no means least, communication. Before things start to get more serious, if you’re dating someone with kids, it’s essential to sit down and talk about it. In the future, can you potentially see yourself having kids be a big part of your life? Are there boundaries you both want to set? Do either of you have any concerns that should be addressed now? Do you think jealousy will be an issue etc. This definitely something that should be discussed before meeting the kids.
So, there you have it! 6 pieces of advice for dating someone with kids. Just remember, there are other people to consider here, not just yourself. Good luck!