So, you’ve been seeing someone for a few months now (yes, that person you met on CLiKD). You think (or more like you hope) they’re not seeing anyone else. You know their favourite type of food, their mum’s name and might even have a toothbrush at their house. However, even though you’re sort of in a relationship, there still hasn’t been any talk of commitment or even exclusivity. Does this sound familiar? Well, if this seems like it’s describing your relationship perfectly, then you’re probably in a ‘situationship’.
As the latest relationship trend on the block, a situationship is basically when you and another person are doing coupley things, but you’re not actually a couple. In between a hook-up and a relationship, situationships are that in between grey area where no one really knows what’s going on. Situationships can last months (even years in some cases) but, given the fact they involve catching feelings, it will eventually end in two ways. Either you’re going to DTR (define the relationship) or someone decides to move on.
Have you ever bumped into a friend while you were with the person you were seeing and not known what to introduce them as? With responses like ‘Uh, this is my… friend?’ or ‘Um, this is *enter name*’, you know you’re in a situationship. This is because you haven’t really defined what you’re both doing.
…in a situationship, the closest you’ve
probably come to making a commitment is starting
a new Netflix show together.
On that note, aside from the awkward run-ins, you probably haven’t officially met each other’s friends. Meeting friends normally signifies that the relationship has the potential to be long term. Most people don’t want to introduce someone to their friends if they won’t be around the next week. Introducing them suggests commitment. Whereas in a situationship, the closest you’ve probably come to making a commitment is starting a new Netflix show together.
Most people in committed relationships will be making plans for the future, like birthday plans or deciding to book concert tickets that won’t be for another six months. If you’re in a situationship though, you probably never make plans that are more than a week in advance, preferring to just live in the moment. You might also still be going to events like weddings or New Year’s event solo…
In a situationship, you tend to always be playing a game of chicken when texting. So if one of you doesn’t reply for a long time, you can’t easily just ask what’s going on. Lack of commitment means you don’t want to appear as the needy or clingy one, since you’re technically not even in a defined relationship. Also, you’re definitely not on each other’s social medias.
In a situationship, you’re probably not seeking to see other people. Even though you haven’t defined anything yet, you’re still ALMOST in a relationship and getting what you need from just one person. It’s what makes it different from just hooking up or a friend with benefits where you’d be more likely to be seeing multiple people at one time.
It doesn’t feel necessary to leave straight after sex
because you don’t just go over to hook-up.
It doesn’t feel necessary to leave straight after sex because you don’t just go over to hook-up. Even though your relationship might be largely physical, you still do a lot of the domesticated activities that couples do. You stay overnight at each other’s places, have breakfast and probably have your toothbrush at their house.
Despite not admitting it to the person you’re seeing, you’ve definitely caught feelings. Communication is important in a serious relationship, but in situationships people just tend not to talk about their feelings. While it can be fun for a while, it’s important to keep in mind that the uncertainty might get a bit too much eventually.
If you’re dating in 2019 and a millennial, then you will likely find yourself in a situationship… if you’re not already in one now. According to Study Breaks, Millennials tend to be “scared of the responsibility and pressure that comes along with the label “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and so the ‘what are we’ conversation just never happens.
While a pressure and label free relationship sounds ideal, Study Breaks goes on to explain how situationships can actually be quite toxic. The constant uncertainty of the other person’s feelings and thoughts can quickly turn from exciting to exhausting. The worst part is that when a situationship ends, you say to yourself that you can’t even be properly upset about it, because it wasn’t even technically a relationship. Situationships aren’t for everyone. If it’s not what you truly want, then get out of it now! Put yourself first and don’t settle for anything you don’t deserve.