Ah, “Money, money, money, must be funny, in the rich man’s world.” A little bit of Abbato start your day, but yes. We are going to be talking all about that money and how it can come into relationships and dating. Let’s be honest, it can be hard to bring up. From the grand ‘who should pay on the first date’ debate to wondering if, or when, is a good time to ask how much they make, without coming across as money hungry. We know it’s tough, but if things get serious between you both and you start planning for the future, finance will be important and it’s good to know what to look out for. So, here are 5 financial red flags in dating…
Note: We know that the pandemic has hit all of us hard, especially our finances, so bear that in mind when approaching the topic of money right now.
Now, we all know about direct debit (hello Adobe, Netflix, Spotify etc. hope you’re enjoying the monthly payments) and how that can be one method of paying for things on a rotating basis. However, maybe you’ve missed one or two payments or deadlines in the past. We’ve all been there, it’s not necessarily signs of a pattern. However, someone who regularly doesn’t pay their bills on time, especially if they don’t think it’s an issue, that’s definitely one of the financial red flags. It’s one that could become your problem too, if you end up living together and splitting bills. It just a level of not caring that could lead to huge issues.
I don’t like to owe anyone money and I, for damn
sure, don’t like anyone owing me money. I mean,
I can’t speak for other people, but if I owe someone money, whether it’s a friend or whoever, I try and pay it back ASAP. I prefer it that way (honestly, one of my favourite things about online banking is the immediate nature.) I don’t like to owe anyone money and I, for damn sure, don’t like anyone owing me money. I mean, who does? However, some people don’t feel that qualm about having to pay someone back. In fact, there are some who will just borrow money from various people regularly and then act almost insulted when you enquire as to when it’ll be repaid. It’s definitely one of the financial red flags if they owe a lot of people money, including friends and family.
Look, let’s just get this out there. We know there are a lot of different types of debt, a common one is from student loans for example. That alone is not a red flag, higher education ain’t cheap, after all. However, what would make it one of the financial red flags is trying to hide debt. The thing is, if things ever progress to point of you having joint finances (like marriage perhaps) their debt will become your debt too. Which is why it’s so important that they’re honest from the start. If you want to see a potential partner’s thoughts on finance, check out CLiKD.
You’re a partnership, the decisions should be
made together because you’re not under some
sort of dictatorship.
We know all about making sure your values align with your partner. There are the big topics like what you’re looking for in a relationship, something casual or more serious, do you want children etc. One of those values to include is finances. I don’t know if any of you have ever read the shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella (they’re hilarious, highly recommend them since we’re all indoors anyway) but they’re a prime example. The main protagonist is a shopaholic (in case that wasn’t clear from the series title) who is in a lot of debt and regularly spends beyond her means. Her partner is the exact opposite, someone who saves and spends well within their means. This is the kind of thing that would’ve been worth them addressing from the beginning and you should too.
This is definitely unacceptable. It can happen in situations where one person is the breadwinner for example. If they start dictating that you aren’t allowed to make your own money, tell you how much you can spend or where you can spend it, these are all signs of financial abuse. It can also become the case if you have a joint account and they’re making all the decisions about how that money should be spent, or not sharing information about your joint finances. You’re a partnership, the decisions should be made together because you’re not under some sort of dictatorship.
So, there you have it! 5 financial red flags in dating. If you feel like you’re seeing some already, make sure to address it sooner rather than later. Good luck!