Guys, I hope you’re sitting down because we have something pretty serious to discuss today. Deep breaths now… but, we need to talk about the friendzone. UGH! I know, I KNOW, but the thing is everyone has different opinions on it and honestly, I’m sick and tired of people throwing around that term like it’s actually a thing! It’s SO frustrating, so I’m about to blow that theory right out of the water!
Now, before the comments about this post start coming in, I do know that the ‘friendzone’ is not limited to just men feeling ‘friendzoned’ by women. This concept is one that is rampant across all genders and sexual orientations, therefore, I will be talking about this topic inclusively. So, with that said, here is why I think the friendzone is a rubbish concept. Retire it ASAP!
Friends are amazing, why turn that into a negative?!
The whole notion behind the friendzone is that someone enjoying your company, but not being attracted to you is the worst thing in the world. It’s the ultimate crime in the eyes of the person who was ‘zoned’. I mean, they’ve invested all this time in pretending to be a decent human being with no ulterior motives, it’s BEYOND unreasonable that they wouldn’t get some sort of award for acting like a friend should, right?! No! Wrong!
The definition of a friend is ‘a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.’ Meaning that a friend is NOT expected to sleep with you, it’s actually the opposite of what friends are meant to do (which is why friends with benefits is an unrealistic concept, but that’s another story for another post!)
If you think about it, calling someone your friend is one of the best compliments you can receive. Romantic relationships form and break every day, but a true friendship can withstand a hell of a lot. Not to mention that friends often become the family you choose for yourselves. Since when is that a bad thing or a consolation prize?!
Let me spell it out for you. Just because you’re nice to someone, doesn’t mean they have to sleep with you. EVER! Hollywood movies have made it seem like if you fancy someone, being friends with them is the way to guarantee that they’ll eventually sleep with you, regardless of if they fancied you to begin with, or if they were taken. They romanticise it into the person waiting and watching from afar to rescue them from their bad romantic choices, but then again Hollywood is known for that sort of thing. Bottom line? You have to respect someone’s right to be attracted to whoever they want and remember that someone wanting you in their life in any positive capacity, is always a compliment. Appreciate it!
Is sex really the only incentive to be nice to someone these days?!
The idea of the friendzone is a truly warped one. People will try and dress it up in many forms to make it seem like they’re a victim for expecting something they weren’t promised, but essentially it boils down to good old entitlement. It’s the idea that because you’re attracted to someone or you’re nice to them once in a while, then the least they can do is sleep with you.
After all, how dare they not be attracted to you?! How dare they enjoy just your company and personality?! How dare they be there to support you emotionally and create great lasting memories with you?! If they aren’t putting out, then it’s a waste of your time, right?! (Sarcasm to the max. here)
I think the question we have to ask as a society is; when did we start viewing each other as no more than vending machines? When did we stop looking at each other, not as individuals with their own thoughts and feelings, but as prizes to be won or as automated machines that should give us a product in exchange for ‘currency’. The product here being sex and currency being ‘friendship’.
Is this really the only reason people are nice to each other now? Because they think it may result in them getting some? Has it really got to the point where we feel that sex is all anyone has to offer us? This is deep stuff, guys. Honestly, no one really wants to be seen as only having sex to offer, so don’t treat anyone like that’s the case (even if that’s the arrangement you guys have, you can still show them respect as one human being to another. It’s not that hard, just try!)
Attraction has to be a two-way street for anything to develop, people!
Another issue with the friendzone? It completely disregards the other person’s feeling in the situation. When people tell their stories of being friendzoned, they are always, ALWAYS the victim. It’s usually something along the lines of “blah, blah, blah, I’m so entitled… I did ALL this for them and they couldn’t even give me a little *something something * back, blah, blah, whine!” [*you can insert whatever sexual favours people think you have owed them over time there.]
Nevertheless, the other person ceases to be a real human being in their eyes, in the stories they just become an orifice that hasn’t served its true purpose. But, my question is; have people who constantly whine about the friendzone ever considered that the other person is just not that into them…? (Thought of the day… hmmm)
Look, attraction works in mysterious ways. You shouldn’t judge someone based on who they find themselves attracted to. Based on different circumstances, you’ll either act on those feelings and see if they’re reciprocated or you’ll keep them to yourselves. If you know the other person isn’t interested, there’s no need to keep thrusting your feelings of interest upon them. Lack of interest doesn’t mean you’ve been friendzoned, it just means that for whatever reason they’re not attracted to you.
The other person being in a relationship is not you being friendzoned either, it just means that they’re in a relationship and that’s who they’re interested in. By all means, if you don’t know for sure whether someone is interested in you and you want things to develop romantically, then ask. You just have to be mature and prepared for the answer, because it could go either way.
One thing I’ve noticed with a lot of people who regularly cry out ‘friendzone!’ is that if the situation were reversed, they would NEVER say they friendzoned someone. Instead, they’re outraged that the other person even had the audacity to think they had a chance of being anything more than a friend. Again, another instance of thinking that friendship is the second-place medal in trying to get laid!
Look, we need to stop viewing friendship is a lesser option and stop assuming that if we’re attracted to someone, they automatically owe us something in return. Someone wanting to be your friend doesn’t make you a victim, it makes you lucky. Someone you’re attracted to not feeling the same way is, yes, upsetting, but it’s not something they’ve done to you to intentionally hurt you, it’s just something that happens in life. Attraction won’t always be mutual, but when it is, it’s great. Why not hold out for those moments, instead of trying to emotionally extort someone who isn’t interested into sleeping with you?