I will be surprised if you have managed to avoid hearing the song ‘Thank U, Next’ by the Pop singer who said ‘no’ to a Damehood from the Queen (with admirable reasons) Ariana Grande. She almost literally said “Thank U, next…time” to the Queen of England!
Anyway, the song is said to be inspiring people to think more positively about failed relationships. To not glorify heart-break, but to learn from it. The song has even coined a new dating term, “Grande-ing”; which means “ being thankful for exes and looking at what you’ve learnt, as well as how you’ve grown through past relationships.” We have also seen the title of the song create several memes, which are usually sassily dismissing someone. For example, I think the term might be replacing this classic:
However, this blog is going to avoid the sass and keep to the spirit of the song. We are going to discuss how to truly “Grande” your exes. What positivity and lessons can you take from your relationship? Instead of us always being so hung up on it being a waste of our time, once it is over. We are often found talking crap about the person who we really liked at one point.
The one who taught you love
Maybe some of us haven’t had this ex yet (hopefully we all will.) This person, to others, could be someone who managed to get away. It was good, sweet and pure, but they just weren’t ready or available and slipped through your fingers.
You keep focusing on the fact that they couldn’t commit or weren’t ready for a life with you. How about focusing on how they helped your life progress in other ways?
Maybe this person wasn’t someone who got away. Maybe they taught you what healthy love was for the first time; you could go ‘Ahh, this is how adults should love.’
So, perhaps you have been in love with several other people, but this was the first time it opened your eyes to really being loved. Yet, despite it all and the fact they weren’t exactly the one who got away, it still faltered in the end. Maybe, you stopped feeling so in love. ‘The Spark’ faded for you or them, or mutually. Or both your circumstances changed, and it just stopped working, because life can suck that way.
Thank you for helping me understand
The reasons it ended are the things you have focused on since it has been over – “Oh, he just didn’t have enough stamina in bed.”, “He didn’t really like my best friend”, “He watched football more than he wanted to go out to eat with me”.
Why are the reasons it worked (while it did) not the most important? What about not really expecting much from you other than being yourself? He knew romance wasn’t like the films, but showed you the reality was cool too. Ultimately, he was good at being a friend; because why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t have some of the attributes you choose in a good friend?
“She was too over dramatic about everything”, yeah but when you were having a really bad day, she didn’t even mention having to move plans to come and hold your hand. Yet, she told you honestly, if you were being selfish because you wanted her to cancel plans with her friends, when all you wanted was attention. She taught you, then reminded you, how relationships should work.
Think of those things and list all the top tips for a genuine love that they taught you. (Hopefully most of you don’t need to thank this person for being an ex, because you’re still together!)
The one who taught you patience
Sometimes the Mumford & Sons’ song ‘I will wait’ can be overdone, can’t it? It just isn’t realistic, is it? All this waiting around!
In the long run… we are all going to die. “I can wait for you to finish that five-year relationship, then end your marriage, and wait for your kids to turn eighteen!” We all need to live our own lives, yet that person who strung us along, gave us hope and kept us a secret, made us think we could put it all on pause.
You really thought you and this person would make it in the end. You thought the nights in alone would be worth it, when they eventually always came home to you. Once you even said to them, “One day”, and they laughed, and now your body cannot handle the amount of cringe.
You were taught patience because you suffered days and days of misery waiting for the moment when they wanted to give you attention again. Probably because they were lonely, let’s be honest.
Eventually, there was a day when that attention never came again. Without closure, you had to accept that your wait was over, in a way you never wanted it to. Although in the end, this end was better.
(Or maybe the relationship was completely official and public, but they were just damn annoying *sigh*. It takes a lot of patience to be with someone who doesn’t understand the point of the game Pointless.)
Thank you for the endurance
Perhaps, you learned patience because you were just waiting for them to be a better person. Eventually, your love burned out because waiting for them to be a better person was infringing on you improving yourself.
The patience of waiting for something that will never really be right for you will make it easy to wait for the good. So cheers! To those who taught us endurance and the ability to understand that patience involves accepting that there is always a reason for waiting. Including, ironically, the patience to accept some waits may never be over.
And the one who taught you pain
Now to the one none of us really want to say thank you to. They always come up in your drunk philosophical conversations with friends, because they taught you lessons about life and how you handle strife. You blame them. Then blame yourself. Then back to blaming them. It goes around in circles, and I probably wouldn’t be wrong in saying that bitterness still lingers.
You were hurt and are still bitter because you put in loads of effort, but they gave up too quickly and thought they could find their happiness in someone else without any work.
Or they kept promising they would change. It would get better. They cried for forgiveness. You told them you forgave them many times. In the end, you were the only one who cried genuine tears.
They were the first on your mind, and you never felt considered in return.
It ended. It felt like your world was going to end. Then it didn’t. Maybe it hasn’t eased completely and you tell yourself the pain will not clear, it just gets easier to deal with. You get used to it. On the plus side, you sure know a lot more than you did before.
Thank you for strength
I know it is hard to think of them in a positive light: but they taught you how not to treat someone in a relationship. They taught you how to survive through times you didn’t think you could. They’ve taught you when to leave next time.
Don’t blame them for hurting you. Thank them for helping.