“Girl, it’s not you, it’s me, and I, I gotta figure out what I need” – Chris Brown, 2005
Above is the holy grail of breaking up. The signature line so common that artists were singing about it, even in the early 2000s.
“You’re not the problem, it’s me, I need to work on me.” – As cliché as it is, that genuinely is why people break up.
Maybe you’re not feeling the way you felt before. Maybe they got too comfy way too fast and you’re terrified of commitment, but the key is knowing how to let someone go, without being a total d*ck about it.
Firstly, take time to think
The key is knowing when to do it, it all starts from there. Take an evening for yourself, evaluate the relationship you’re in and whether it’s worth it. If just thinking about your relationship ends up with you drained and tired… that’s a MAJOR KEY.
Now that you’ve been avoiding it for a while and have finally admitted this relationship is more of an L than anything, you should figure out how you’re going to tell them.
I’ll give you a couple of hints and tips, although please don’t hold me responsible for whatever the outcome is.
Break up in public
I know it sounds like a good idea in your head. You could buy them a meal and talk, but when they swirl their drink at you, you’re the one who goes home looking wet and sticky. Trust me on this. When I say try to make it as private as possible, it’s to save yourselves, and the people around you, from embarrassment. I honestly can’t tell you how awkward it is eating next to a couple who’s breaking up, and one of them is crying into their food…
Break up over text
So, you’re no longer feeling them, but that doesn’t mean they’re not still a person with feelings. You may not want to see how they react but come on, at least try not to make it sour between you. Breaking up over text is a literal slap to the face, it makes them think you they didn’t care much at all (which may or may not be true). If it’s that bad, how about a skype call? (Just kidding, please do it in person! No seriously, don’t do it over skype!)
“We can still be friends/it’s not you, it’s me”
It probably sounds like you’re trying to be neutral in the situation by trying to say this. When you’re the one being dumped, these phrases are literally the last thing you want to hear… You think it could work, but if it’s one of your first lines then prepare for a sh*tstorm of anger. If you really must, say it once they’ve calmed down and you’ve both agreed to end on civil terms.
State the obvious
You don’t need to write out a list of why you don’t want to be with them anymore, but give them some form of closure. So hopefully they won’t show up at your door a month later asking why you didn’t give them a reason. Also, if you’re not clear, they might think you’re on a “break” and we’ve all seen how that goes down. (Side note; Ross was right, they WERE on a break – but he still cheated…)
Prepare for the worst
You’re breaking up with someone, so it’s not going to be fun. At all. There will be tears and there will be questions. If you crack under that, then you’re going to be stuck in an unhappy relationship because you don’t know how to put your foot down. There’s going to be loads of questions for you. You don’t want to start a full-blown argument, so just answer simply and remember to keep calm.
Remove them everywhere
It’s not healthy to break up with someone, but still have them on Instagram and Twitter. You don’t want to see their indirect Tweets about how much of an a**hole you are. Unfollow or “soft block” them! This so that neither of you see each other, and remember to delete their number too. It may seem weird at first, but once you’re completely unattached it’ll be easier to continue your life without having to worry about them.
I can only give so many tips to breaking up though. It’s different with everyone, so no one can really predict what’s going to happen.
Keep calm and carry on (yes, I said it, don’t judge me) with your life even after the breakup. Chances are if you’re the one who ended things, you’ll be the relieved one.
If you’re dreading breaking the news to your wannabe ex because they’re “crazy as hell” and you know they’re not one to listen to reasoning, do what my friend did with all her crazy ex boyfriends – block them, change social accounts and definitely change your number.
In all seriousness, breaking up was never going to be a pretty scene. Since you’re technically telling someone you’re better off without them, it’s hard not to feel upset about that. The only thing you can do is hope the feeling is mutual or if you can at least stay civil with each other (so no one’s car is going to get keyed from anger.)
I guess what I’m saying is good luck to you if you’re ending a relationship with someone. If you’ve already taken the plunge and are ready to get back out there again, check out our blog post on When Is It The Right Time To Date Again? 😉