Look, we’ve all been there. It’s one of the most dreaded topics that most people prefer to avoid when dating. It is, of course, the big hairy monster called “the talk”. I’ll be honest, I only found out about “the talk” in my early twenties. I always thought that if a boy and a girl like each other and they start seeing each other (whichever way you want to call it dating, hanging out, being intimate) you are automatically classified as a couple. So, in my head, that means that technically you are boyfriend/girlfriend, right? Little did I know that, according to quite a few people I’ve dated in the past, neither of those actions mean anything…
No Talk = No Exclusivity?
Yeah, turns out that just because you spend a lot of time together and are intimate, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is necessarily exclusive. However, I have to point out I wasn’t alone in the crowd of people who had never heard about “the talk” or were as shocked to find out that someone they were dating was doing the same thing with bunch of other people. However, after some intense observation, I’m pretty sure that this phenomenon only applies to our generation, you know us millennials. On multiple occasions, I’ve tried to explain it to older people, as well as a few people my age, and they were as lost and confused as I was. (I think it’s easier to explain to your parents how to use Facebook than explain “the talk” to some people!)
I’ve never understood the purpose of having this talk and I still don’t understand it to this day. I feel like, yet again, it is being used as an excuse to avoid serious commitment and juggle multiple people. I hate labels more than anything! Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be called someone’s girlfriend, but I don’t need a label for it. As long as it’s me and you and you’re not sleeping with other people, I don’t care what you call me. Whether it’s your partner, girlfriend, missus etc. you get the point… If it makes some people feel more secure to have the talk, that’s also understandable. You need to know where you stand. However, for me, it instantly kills the romance. It’s like signing a contract. What’s next? Don’t even get me started on promise rings…
How and when do you even start “The Talk?!”
Anyways, can we please discuss how on earth you’re even meant to start “the talk” conversation?! I mean, there is never a good time to have it or a way to bring it up. Would it be something like… “So, like… do you want to be my boyfriend? Are you sleeping with other people? I deleted my app, so…” (then wait for their reaction, and pray they say “me too”?!)
I think in this situation, it looks bad from either end. I’ve been in situations where I was dating someone (not for a short length of time either) and they asked me if I’m still dating other people, keeping in mind that I never even said I was in the first place! I have to say, I was quite offended to find that the person thought I was juggling a few people in one go. Speaking of other stupid things, there’s also the “3-month rule”. Which genius came up with this ridiculous idea?! So, you have to date someone for three months and then you are finally allowed to ask them where you stand?! Sorry, but 3 months is a bloody long time. I know people who’ve gotten married in less than that (not that that’s a norm) but you want me to wait to find out if they are still sleeping with other people AFTER 3 moths? No way, thank you. That rule does not work for me!
Moral of the story is (like I keep on repeating every time in all my posts, check them out here!) if you are right for each other, it will happen naturally. Things will fall into place. You won’t need to have any talks. Your partner will just grab your hand and introduce you to their friends as their girlfriend (or whatever label you prefer) without any hesitation. Trust me, that is always a much nicer, special feeling than having “the talk” to confirm you’re exclusive.