Ah, one of the great debates. Is it ok for your partner to be friends with their ex? People have different opinions, of course. Some feel like being on good terms, but not friends is acceptable. Some find that once the relationship is done, the person should forget that the ex even exists in the world. Then there are those who wonder if it’s even possible to be friends with an ex. It’s a nuanced one for sure, but let’s be honest. Most people have a past and, to some degree, it might be something that you have to contend with. Maybe your partner’s ex is part of their friendship group and was even before they ever started dating. What are they meant to do then, find all new friends? Unlikely. So, here are 4 tips for dealing with your partner’s ex…
If you’re dating someone who is in contact with their ex, it’s important to have clear boundaries. For example, if you don’t want your partner’s ex hearing about your relationship or giving your partner advice on it, let them know that early on. It’s on your partner to enforce those boundaries with the ex too. Let’s be real, the ex doesn’t really own you anything, put your partner does because they’re the one that you’re dating. One thing you definitely shouldn’t do is be the one to go in and set the boundaries directly with the ex, let your partner do it.
It can definitely be stressful having to deal with a partner’s
ex. Even if they’re the nicest person in the world, it can
just feel like a constant reminder of their past.
There are situations where your partner’s ex will always be around. For example, if they have kids together. There’s no way around it. That’s why it’s so important to be realistic. If you’re saying that the ex should be completely cut out of your partner’s life and they only see them once or twice a year at group events, that’s probably something you can get passed. However, there are cases where you have to find a way to exist together, like when children are involved. Also, make sure that you have a chat with your partner about why they parted ways with their ex and the nature of their relationship now, so can have a clearer idea of where things are at.
It can definitely be stressful having to deal with a partner’s ex. Even if they’re the nicest person in the world, it can just feel like a constant reminder of their past. However, venting to your partner might not be the best choice. Maybe go to a trusted friend or therapist to talk it out or even scream about it, if you need to. It’s important to let them know you’re just venting and that it’s nothing that should be held against your partner (unless you’re actively complaining about them.) It can be healthy to just talk things out and have that space where you don’t need to be civil and understanding. If you want to find out a potential partner’s stance on exes, check out CLiKD.
If your partner’s ex is toxic, make sure you’re focusing
on strengthening your relationship with your partner,
instead of going out of your way to show everyone how
toxic the ex is.
Lastly, your priority should be your relationship. If your partner’s ex is toxic, make sure you’re focusing on strengthening your relationship with your partner, instead of going out of your way to show everyone how toxic the ex is. Put in the time to make sure you and your partner have a ton of quality time, you can do this by having date nights etc.
So, there you have it! 4 tips for dealing with your partner’s ex. Just try to remember that they broke up for a reason and do not put up with anything you find inappropriate. Good luck!