1. Ordering Indian takeaway becomes a gluttonous experience.
You can’t just order one dish from a curry house. Indian meals are about feasting! A tasting platter of all sorts of delicious treats. All good and well when you’ve got someone to share it with, but when you’ve spent £20 on Indian food for your lonely old self and realised you’re full up after barely making a dent in it, you can’t help but feel a little guilty. Then it’s either Indian for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next 2 days or polish it off all in one and pretend it never happened… (spoiler: I opt for the latter.)
2. Every other episode of How I Met Your Mother makes you cry.
Oh Lily and Marshall and their perfect-couple cute-ness, Oh sweet, old (slightly annoying) Ted and his beautiful grand gestures, oh that proposal, oh that… other proposal. Don’t deny it, that show tugs on the heart strings more than that final episode of Friends. You sit there rooting for sweet, old Ted to find love and then remember that you’re even more of a hopeless romantic than he is. Alone….all alone… What? Just me?
3. You save your good underwear… indefinitely.
Every. Damn. Day. “Oh should I swear my sexy pants today? Ah no one’s going to see them tonight, might as well keep them clean until they’re needed.” This endless cycle goes on and on, until you realise your crap pants have simply become your normal pants. The nice underwear sits neglected at the bottom of the drawer patiently awaiting it’s calling…. Still waiting. Still….waiting…
5. Facebook becomes even more annoying
Why do people even put their new relationships on Facebook? Unless you’re a solid, practically-married couple, it’s utterly pointless. Sure, you get to tell everyone you’re happy and together, but you inadvertently also have to tell everyone when you’ve broken up. When did private life become so public? You puke in your mouth a little every time you see that heart symbol wall post inviting hundreds of friends to “like” the fact that narcissistic attention seekers are using their relationship to hoard likes… whilst secretly looking forward to the day everyone can “like” your relationship status.
6. Spooning is just not a thing anymore.
Everyone loves a good spooning. No exceptions, everyone. That’s just something you can’t get from your friends. Sure, you can try out some platonic spooning, I’ve tried it, but it always gets weird. Trust me.