First, let’s start with the obvious. There’s a huge difference between being picky and having standards. A lot of people really don’t understand that distinction, so I thought it was worth clarifying. Wanting to be treated with basic, mutual respect and not accepting the bare minimum is having standards. Not going on a second date with someone because you didn’t like their posture is being too picky. Now that we’ve got that covered, here are 5 signs you’re being too picky…
If you’ve found that you’re always the one doing all the breaking up with people, but you’re never the one getting dumped, chances are you’re being too picky. It’s likely that you’re ruling out people very quickly and not giving things a real chance. You’ll probably find that you’re not rejecting them over actual dealbreakers, but over things that you could probably work together and get past.
There are the important qualities that are essential to
a happy relationship like being able to communicate
clearly, them being kind hearted and having shared
values, then there’s the other stuff.
It’s entirely possible that you’re focused on the wrong things. There are the important qualities that are essential to a happy relationship like being able to communicate clearly, them being kind hearted and having shared values, then there’s the other stuff. Things like having to enjoy the same kind of TV or whether they like to read the same type of books as you. These are minor things that aren’t dealbreakers. You don’t have to agree on every single thing and have the exact same interests to be compatible.
If you find it easy to discover things you don’t like about everyone, I’ve got news for you. You’re probably being too picky in a lot of cases. True, you shouldn’t have to force yourself to like someone. If a date is genuinely bad, fine. However, if you find yourself going on dates and using the most minor of things to decide not to go on a second, like you found the way they bounce their knee annoying, it’s probably time to reassess what’s actually important. Check out CLiKD and their dealbreakers to find out what your matches find important.
You’d hope that your type would have evolved, but
if you’re still going for the same type of people you were
as a teenager (and it wasn’t going well back then either)
it’s probably time for a change.
If all your exes fit into a ‘type’, it’s likely that you’re limiting yourself by being too picky. You’d hope that your type would have evolved, but if you’re still going for the same type of people you were as a teenager (and it wasn’t going well back then either) it’s probably time for a change. Once you start to date outside your type, you may be pleasantly surprised. If you’re looking for someone who is the physical embodiment of your celebrity crush and has their personality, you’re in for a long search.
Now, there are a lot of things to blame for this way of thinking, pop culture being one of them. If you believe there’s only one person for you in the entire world, no one will ever measure up. You might have this idea in your head about how you’ll meet and that you’ll have an instant connection. True, some people do have that, but not every relationship starts with a meet-cute and instant chemistry. If you already have a timeline of how your relationship should go in your head (e.g. date for a year, then get married) you may be surprised to find that the people you meet might not feel the same way, because it’s a lot of pressure. All that pressure will get you is a harder search and a lot of disappointment…
So, there you have it! 5 signs you’re being too picky. There are a lot of reasons why people become this way. The most common is fear and we’d recommend taking the time to try and build up your self-esteem. This is essential to being able to withstand rejection and also for you to know you’re good enough, with or without a partner.