When my last long-term relationship ended, the first thing I did was join a dating app, and by first thing, I mean I downloaded dating apps within hours of the breakup occurring. Was that the right move for me to make? Nope. Then, internally, I decided that the person who was probably into me while I was in the relationship will definitely be waiting around for me. Ha. Two words: Famous boyfriend.
Other people stay at home, eat ice cream and cry. Others go out, get hammered and hopefully get “under someone”, which apparently is the best way to get over someone. So, how else do we get over someone and move on? When is the right time?
But when will I get over this breakup?
If you are a person who likes systems and good old science, then you can convert the number of months you were together into weeks, and that is the amount you need before you can start dating again. Good for you if it was a month long, good luck with your celibacy if it was ten years long. An, even more, practical way to do this post-breakup maths is converting the number of weeks you were together into the number of pints you should drink before moving on (CLiKD does not endorse irresponsible drinking!)
Studies have also been done that show swearing helps relieve pain, so swear your heart out until your ex is no longer an A***hole. Another genuine easer of pain in our modern society is to UNFOLLOW THEM on all social media! How is their presence constantly appearing on your timeline, pretending to have a perfect life now you’re gone, going to help you?
How a break up can change us
Realistically, getting over someone is going to be different for everyone. If you think that downloading a dating app to find a new relationship is right for you, go for it. You can learn a lot about yourself through meeting new people, especially if you are only swiping right on people who look like your ex.
CLiKD would be a great way to not only date again, but to learn about yourself with its quizzes and the systemised daily recommendations based on interests, especially as you can connect with people other than your ex’s lookalikes. Attempting to move on with diving right into dating or “getting under someone” could be great; this person could be the one. This person could make you realise why your last relationship had to end. However, if you have no time to get over your ex before “getting under” someone else, where are all the negative feelings about your ex supposed to go? The likelihood is you will project all your feelings onto this, possibly, innocent person who may have already gotten over their ex.
Others also learn about themselves by being alone. How can we have a healthy relationship with another person when we do not know how to have one with ourselves? As Maya Angelou once said, “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you’… There is an African saying which is: ‘Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.’ Once you know yourself well, you will know what your next person should have to compliment that, and you’ll be ready to date again. However, we are human. Our instincts are to be with others, so you will get lonely sometimes. Surround yourself with good friends; preferably single ones too.
Time heals breakup pain
As cliché as it sounds, time heals. Whatever way we use to get over someone, whether that’s sleeping around, downloading all the dating apps for an ego boost post breakup or spending quality time with yourself, we cannot put a time frame on people’s feelings and how they deal with experiences. We do know that alcoholism has never proved to help in the long run. It’s okay if it seems like you are taking a really long time to get over someone because your relationship was mostly really good. It’s also okay if you cannot move on post-breakup because it was a traumatic experience for you; however you must not forget that it will happen.
Right now, look after you!
If you are currently going through this impermeant feeling that feels like it is a permanent state, remember that looking after yourself should be a priority. Guess what; your ex isn’t going to look after you. Sing at the top of your lungs when no one is around, make time for friends, buy good food, flirt with everyone. Lastly, and most importantly, constantly tell yourself why you are great and all the reasons why anyone would be lucky to have you and strut around with this in mind. Always (just don’t get too arrogant!)
As the legend and the Queen of us all once said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?!”
By Christophe Locatelli