Is there anything more nerve-wracking than making the first move? Let’s be honest, you don’t necessarily always know if you’ll get a yes or no. The fear of rejection is enough to hold a lot of people back, which is completely understandable. Sure, it’s 2020 and we (for one) don’t believe that in a (hetero) pairing, the guy has to make the first move. Ladies, you don’t have to wait for him to ask you out! However, we do want to give some tips to those who do know a girl they’d like to take on a date. So, get your notebooks out. Today, we’re going to answer the question: when to ask a girl out?
When you’re fairly sure she’s interested
As much as ‘shoot your shot’ is being encouraged more and more, it is important to try and determine if she’s interested first, if you want to know when to ask a girl out. Depending on the situation, whether you’re friends, strangers or colleagues, there are a lot of ways that asking a girl out can seem sweet to you, but actually puts her in an uncomfortable position that is unfair to her. With that in mind, there are a few things you can look out for to see if she’s interested:
- If she is responsive to texts and calls, or calls and texts you often
- Prolonged eye contact
- If her body language is open, i.e. facing you, arms unfolded, moving closer to you or mirroring you
- She’s trying to find ways to actively connect with you, like taking an interest in what you enjoy
- She remembers things you say and gives you her undivided attention
- She comes right out and says she likes you
Even then (barring the last one) remember to take these with a pinch of salt. PSA: Just because someone is nice to you, it doesn’t mean they want to date you. Do I need to say it louder for the peeps in the back?
At least give yourselves time to talk and connect a little,
before going in for the ‘let’s go on a date’.
When the timing is right
Thanks to rom-coms giving us a ton of unrealistic expectations, a lot of people can probably convince themselves that it’s romantic to ask out someone who’s taken, because you’ve decided you’re a better fit for her. Firstly, no! Not your choice to make. Cannot stress this enough, first make sure she’s single and open to date. On average, a week can be a good benchmark for time in terms of when to ask a girl out, especially on dating apps.
Asking someone out as soon as you meet them or ‘match’ is likely to come off as a bit intense. At least give yourselves time to talk and connect a little, before going in for the ‘let’s go on a date’.
Let’s be honest here, it really depends on your situation. Above all else, if
you truly like this girl, you’ll prioritise her comfort level and feelings.
When the environment/circumstance is right
So, so important! You have to remember context is everything. You know when a girl probably doesn’t want to be asked out? When she’s walking home alone at night, or when she’s on LinkedIn to network, or when she’s having a meeting/interview with you. It really does depend on the situation and, sometimes, the power dynamics. If it’s a scenario where you’re colleagues and you’re more senior to her, there are a lot of factors to consider. If you’re friends, you want to make sure you’re not just mistaking their friendship for them fancying you. A few points I’d say you should consider when deciding when to ask a girl out:
- If you’re strangers, where are you? Are you in a space where they can feel comfortable if they want to say no?
- Are you at work? Depending on your position, are there any power dynamics at play?
- What is she doing? Is she in a coffee shop with headphones in and working, clearly not looking to be disturbed?
Let’s be honest here, it really depends on your situation. Above all else, if you truly like this girl, you’ll prioritise her comfort level and feelings. It can be a big step asking a girl out, just remember that it can go a few different ways. They can say yes (yay for you!) they can say no (it happens to us all at some point, don’t take it to heart and accept her answer, don’t look at it as a challenge, no means no.) Or she could say maybe. Try not to be too let down by this, it’s not a no, maybe she just needs more time to get to know you. All these tips should act as a guide for when to ask a girl out. However, remember to be clear when you do and that every situation is different.
Best of luck! 🍀