Do you remember the last time you heard “I love you” from someone you were dating? How did you feel? Was it awkward or were there butterflies in your stomach? Most relationships get stuck when it comes to voicing deep feelings. The biggest emotion? Love. It’s one of the most common, yet hardest, sentiments to express. All you have to do is use the magic words, “I love you.” Yet, they can be the most challenging to say.
In most relationships, those words are seen as a milestone. However, a lot of women are suffering, waiting and stressing while trying to understand why men won’t say I love you. What are the reasons behind it? Are they shy? Are they too scared to truly commit? Or are we just placing too much importance on these words?
CLiKD experts have done some in-depth analysis and produced detailed research about one of the most popular topics in relationships. We gathered all of the possible reasons why a man won’t say those three simple words. Now, not every relationship is identical, so we tried to put together the most common reasons why men hold themselves back and avoid confessing their love with words. Enjoy!
1. He is too scared of commitment to say I love you
Men’s minds work completely differently to women, mostly in terms of how they view the weight of certain words and phrases. Some people see them as raising their relationship to another level. This can be scary, especially as it puts pressure on men. They’re still expected to make a lot of the first (and biggest moves.) This can lead to them feeling trapped in a committed relationship, especially if they feel their freedom is coming to an end. With so much meaning being put on emotional expression, this causes added pressure. The perception of such sentiments, which are considered to be a binding promise in society, also lead to commitment phobia.
Another common reason is past experiences, especially if they resulted in a broken heart. If the trust has been broken, it can be really hard for men to let themselves be vulnerable again. If you are suffering from not hearing “I love you” from the person you’re dating or thinking that he won’t say it, just give him some time. Men are more willing to express themselves when they don’t feel forced into it.
The last reason can be seen as quite selfish, but men can be…/ are trash! Here it comes… Paradox of choice. ‘Grass is greener on the other side’ is the best expression to explain the situation. The illusion of choice blinds man and makes them believe there is always a better option. However, this perception usually ends with missing the opportunity that is right in front of their eyes.
2. He won’t say I love you because he’s scared of being rejected
Another fear that keeps men from saying “I love you” is that they’re afraid their feelings won’t be returned. It is one of the most powerful fears known to men. They don’t handle pain well, especially from their partners. Remember the first time you expressed your feelings with those three simple words? How many times did you rehearse in front of the mirror or how many times did you just give up? Have you ever thought about the real reason why you stressed that much? The answer is simple. You were scared of your partner not reciprocating those feelings and you didn’t want to break the spell, if they didn’t.
Momentum is always important for relationship wellness. After a big, emotional confession, if the partner doesn’t feel the same way, the man tends to believe that the situation can break the relationship’s momentum.
Feeling vulnerable is also another reason that makes men scared of being rejected, therefore stopping them from saying “I love you”. They believe that in relationships, the first one to say I love you will be the weak one. This way, men can continue to let their sense of independence and freedom continue to flourish, even in a committed relationship.
3. He won’t say I love you because he finds it difficult to say
People who’ve never said “I love you” in their lives, even to their friends or family, are more likely to struggle saying it in a romantic relationship. As we all know, men are (traditionally) not good at expressing their feelings. Mostly, they show their feelings and emotion through body language. Therefore, when it comes to words, they basically become paralysed.
The main reason for this is because of the environment they grew up in. If you grow up in a space where you don’t hear any terms of endearment or sentiments of love and affection, it can affect you deeply. If you’re the kind of person, who is familiar with that environment, you’ll understand after this example. Remember a time when your family or friend said, “I love you”. How difficult was it for you to reply? Did you just say “me too” or even immediately change the subject?
This may also be the reason he won’t say “I love you”, because it’s just difficult for him. Just be careful. Men can use this as an escape or excuse not to say it. The difference between someone who can’t say it and someone who doesn’t want has to be carefully identified. Your female sixth senses will lead you, don’t worry!!!
In those situations, the best thing that you can do is give him a space. Avoid additional pressure and let him find out other ways to show his emotions. Perhaps one day, he will learn how to say it and you won’t be afraid of not hearing “I love you” anymore.
By Alpcan Demiralp