We shared a giggle or two in the office today when talking about blog ideas. We were mucking about, seeing Google’s suggested content on typing ‘Why won’t he…’ in the search bar. The results? ‘…commit, marry me, love me…’ and then at the very bottom: ‘…why won’t he have sex with me?’
“There’s one answer to that…” the men in the room joked “…he will have sex with you!”
Everyone agreed that there’d be nothing to write about on that one, because it just doesn’t happen. I reddened a little, embarrassed to admit I’d dealt with this issue, not too long ago. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one.
Friends of mine had experienced the same thing. I’d answer the phone to friends. “I just don’t understand.” They’d say, disheartened, “Why won’t he have sex with me?’
A certain sexual deprivation, but guys always want sex, the stereotype goes. Not all guys, ladies, not all guys! In a world that warns girls of the sexual intentions of men, it’s easy to feel insecure when the tables are reversed and you’re the one pining for the action.
But why won’t he have sex with me? You might ask. It could be a number reasons, or even a combination!
He just doesn’t want to
Let’s start with a fairly likely reason, the one you probably don’t want to hear… He might just not fancy you. If he’s distanced himself since you’ve shown interest, he probably doesn’t want to have sex with you. We’ve all dealt with a bit of a rejection, let’s call it character building. Hit up the next guy!
He’s not comfortable around you
He has some sexual incompetence or insecurity which he is not comfortable sharing with you. Sex is weird for some people, whatever their gender. It could be anything from testosterone issues, to a yet-to-be-cured STI. If this is more than sex for you, be patient and prove to him you care. He might just open about it.
You’ve met at the wrong time
He may really like you… but then, why won’t he sleep with you? The question prevails. He might have been heart-broken by an ex or has a lot on his plate at work or at home. He might not be ready to bare the emotions that can sometimes come with sex. Dig a little deeper and find out about his past relationships!
He doesn’t want to mislead you
He might not want to mislead you into thinking he wants a relationship, especially if you are good buddies. If you’re on the same page and you also just want a bit of fun, great! You can only find out through good communication, however. Have a conversation about it, what’s there to lose?
You haven’t made the move
All this oohing and aahing and the likelihood is, you haven’t even tried. Be bold. It’s not the eighteenth century! Men don’t have to be the ones to make the first move. He might just be thinking: Why won’t she have sex with me? You won’t know until you’ve given it a shot.
So, next time you are huffing and puffing, confused by the lack of physicality with a certain someone, if the words “WHY WON’T HE HAVE SEX WITH ME!?” won’t stop looping round your head, don’t panic. Suss out the reason and remember not to take it personally. At the end of the day, it’s his issue, not yours!