In partnership with Relate
Your exes are often your exes for a reason, be it by your choice or theirs. In the modern world of dating apps with more throwaway dates people are more likely to have more exes than ever before. It often leaves you in a really tough emotional position when, for whatever reason, they come crawling back.
There are ways to deal with this situation that will give you more confidence the next time this occurs and also understand the whole situation better.
Speaking on why an ex may choose to get back in contact Peter Saddington, a counsellor at relationships charity, Relate says:
“When we’re feeling vulnerable or rejected we may want something, or in this case someone to make us feel better. We now live in an age where we expect and look for quick fixes which means it has become more common to contact exes. Technology makes this so easy and quick – the thought comes into your head and it only takes a few clicks to ‘casually’ reach out to them via social media. Because we are feeling vulnerable and want something to make us feel better we are likely to only think about the good or special things – not why the relationship ended and it is in this fantasy bubble that the reaching out to an ex occurs.”
Why an ex may reappear:
They are having no luck being Single:
Grass isn’t always greener. They’ve tried their hand at the single life for a few months and it’s not worked out as well as they may thought it was going to.
It isn’t fair on you thinking they can just run straight back to you but in this frame of mind they clearly aren’t thinking with much empathy.
They genuinely want to get back with you:
Alternatively to them potentially just trying to mess you about, they may have seen the error of their ways and want to reignite the old flame. Obviously emotional reactions to all things are on a spectrum and no reaction is necessarily a bad reaction, however, for them to decide that out of nowhere and put it on you isn’t fair. This is without even considering the effect of what going through a break up has had on you.
Whilst neither being appreciated or advisable from them it could also be quite damaging for you. For further advice on how to move on from a relationship can be found in this fantastic article by Relate.
They are having a rough time:
Often ex’s might reappear because of purely selfish reasons, however, an ex might also come back around as they’re actually going through a rough time and trust you as someone previously so involved in their life for advice and support.
Whilst the reasoning may be sincere, from your perspective it will no doubt be hard deciding how and if you want to help them. At this point it also has to be recognised that, depending on the case, you may not be a trained professional and also are in no way obliged to commit to helping them given your no doubt complex emotional relationship.
If you have any further enquiries or need any advice or help with your relationships check out Relate’s website and sign up to their monthly newsletter.